Homer before war
by forgotton-dreams
Summary: You all know me as the great Homer Yanos war time, before that I had a bit of dodgy reputation. This is my story before the war.
1. Chapter 1

Homer Before war.

The minutes were ticking by, slowly inching to the bell. It was a hot humid day, and like the days before I grew tired of sitting there. I am not exactly known for just sitting idly by, letting these people that call themselves teachers educate me. No ones going to get away with that! So when my executioner (as I normally thought of them) had her back turned I quickly opened the door and out I went. I grinned victoriously as I shimmied down the drainpipe. Yet another success to go onto my records. Well not to brag or anything, but I would be the first to admit that I have achieved much in my short yet wise 16 years of age. Many of track records hadn't even bin noticed by the police! When I was younger I even started a thing called "Greek roulette" (I am Greek you see. Don't you forget that.) Where I got a bunch of my mates to ram their heads at the school windows. Whoever broke them had to pay to fix them. I also spent the majority of my time at the police station. I am well known name and resident there. Yeah I've done a lot of crazy crap. Funny thing is I also get done for the things I haven't done, even the things that were beneath me. Guess I feel kind of proud that they would think of me. Shows how popular I am. Though I'm not sure why I'm not with the sheilas. I mean I'm a good lookin guy right? Kay well I have been known to stir them up a bit. Gave them all crap. Called them names, sabotaged their make up and hair or whatever. After I would cop all the hysterical girls snarling and screeching at me. I kind of enjoyed that. Getting all those sheilas attention and whatnot. Though I wouldn't tell this to no one, especially not Ellie, but I just don't know how to deal with girls, and deep down would kind of liked to get more positive attention from them. Ellie was different. She was my best mate. Grew up together we did. We have been through a lot, and my god did I mean a lot. We used to run around her paddocks in the nick, playing tag, only to be caught be her surprised (and rather amused) mother, That was when we were younger (you didn't think that was recent do you? Haha, not her paddocks but we had tried skinny dipping recently) Now we had moved onto bigger things, lighting fire to the roads when cars drove past and what not. Actually come to think of it I think that was just me.

As I hit the ground and tried my bid for freedom I was caught, I can't remember by who. "Well mr Yanos, up to your old tricks again?" I felt flattered that I had actually beyond what I thought, so retorted with my brilliant reply "Aw shucks you flatter me." I meant it too. I suppose he thought I was trying to give him cheek though. A sudden obvious laugh came from behind him. Fi was surveying the situation with an amused expression. I felt a sudden twinge of something but didn't quite know what so ignored it. Fi, beautiful blond rich girl Fi, a townie who is also a close friend of Ellie's. My one and only crush from when I was a year 8. I always thought she was a bit of a snob though. So withdrawing back into my badass persona (I had a reputation after all) I just had to make a flippant remark. "Hey Fi, what would your solicitor parents think of you sleeping with an older man to bump up your grades? Surely you must know affairs are sins?" Her amusement quickly faded into one of shock and hurt. I waited for the usual crap that I normally would have gotten back. Instead she turned and walked away trying to hide the hurt. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have cared, or maybe relished in my witty triumph, but now I just felt like a complete jerk.


	2. Chapter 2

Needless to say I ended up with another weeks detention. Funny though, they used to give me at least a months worth of detention. I guess they're growing sick of me. Not surprising, most of my time was spent with them when I wasn't in jail, or hanging out with Ellie.

The next day at school I caught up with Ellie for a useless and meaningless chat. I was trying to fill in time before the boredom began. As I approached her though I saw that she was at that moment talking to somebody else. Fi. "Bonjure mademoiselles" Ellie just glanced at me dismissively, I guess she was in the middle of something "important". Though it could also come down to the fact that me and Ellie, (or Ellie and I but why bother with proper terms? I know I can't be bothered ) were strong willed and competitive, especially when it came towards each other, trying to out best the other (Hence her trying state by ignoring me that she didn't have to pay attention to me). God knows how many times we have gotten into trouble over the years. Starting out with games like daredevil follow the leader, and chicken, where we always tried to be the leader that came out on top, You know by running through woods barefoot and harassing the chooks and what not. Then it slowly progressed to truth or dare. Like the time I dared her to rub marmite in her hair and lie down in the pig pen. She did to, and got a rather nasty nip on her leg. Then as payback she dared me to try to jump over wooden gate in one leap. By god didn't that hurt! I had a good jump and looked like I was about to make it, then my stomach suddenly cramped up, the surprise took me off guard and I landed legs on either side of the gate. Well I tell ya, if I hadn't known I was man before I certainly knew now. Ellie nearly wet her pants laughing! Though really she doesn't have the balls for achieving what I had, (No kidding). I went into a huff after, oh couple of hours or so, and stormed off.(sad thing is I'm only slightly exaggerating). Though I had never told Ellie but that was the day were my ego and pride had slipped, not for long though. Payback comes in the sweetest ways.

We had our camp and I had overheard the girls playing their own truth and dare game. And good ol' Ellie dared all the girls to run to the flag post without their tops on. So I had found a place with a good view point (up a nearby tree) to get front row seats for the action. Slowly one by one, ne timid girl after another in nothing but her pants and training bra came out and started a mad gallop for the flag post. Some had even started grinning and seemed to be enjoying themselves. I know I was! I could barely contain my delighted laugh as these girls were blatantly running around in their bras and not knowing that they had an audience. I could feel my usual sly smirk creep out.

(I Noticed with some regret that Fi hadn't been there at the time. I think her and her rich solicitor parents were on a small family vacation or something like that.)

Again this was one of those times that Ellie just had to prove that she was strong or whatever and had joined in. My eyes nearly popped out of my head! She was the only one who had anything remotely interesting to look at, at the time. She was actually filling out her bra quite nicely. I tried, I really did try not to look at her out of respect.

While the others had rushed to the flag pole and back Ellie just stopped and did a little victory dance around it. She even started singing. I leaned foreword to get a better view (well in my defence I am a guy.) and the branch that I was on snapped. I landed heavily face first into the dusty hard ground. Though surprisingly not that painful. Ellie just stood there in shock, then glared at me. I noticed that she didn't make a move to cover herself. Such a lady. Though this time embarrassed at being caught and even a little ashamed of myself I turned away. "Well, fancy you dropping by Homer." despite myself and the awkward position I was in, I laughed. To make things worse I think that was around the time my voice had started cracking, so it came out all high pitched and rather unmasculine.

"Well, well. Well what have we here?"

Shit! I had not been expecting Mr Hassen to appear. Great.

"I think I just caught a secret courting here have I?"

I just rolled my eyes and glanced at Ellie who, to my amusement was blushing.

"Right Ellie go back to your cabin and you are to get a top and stay in there, Mr Yanos follow me"

That's right, I even had a reputation back then.

I don't want to bore you with the details of my punishment and what not. Hey come to think of it Ellie didn't get told off… and I'm pretty sure that Mr Hassen was checking her out, sick man.

Though from I think that was the first day that I ever really regarded as Ellie as a woman. As something that I hadn't ever really noticed before, though it never really changed my views on her… much.

It was as I was thinking this that I noticed that Ellie was looking at me. I stared blankly at her.

"Sometimes Homer you are impossible". I smirked. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw Fi give me a guarded look. I turned and gave her a wink. Startled she looked away… and blushing?

"So Ellie Belly, wanna go to the river after school? I have this new idea that I want to try out."

She glared at me but I knew that she would agree.

"I told you not to call me that! Well at least not at school, and don't you have detention?"

Damn! I completely forgot. So I shrugged.

"They might miss me but I figured, if they want to make up our lost time together they can"

The bell rang signifying the start of yet another boring day.

It's funny some of the thing you think about, when you sit there and have nothing to do. For instance, at that moment I was looking at the back of Fi's head and thinking how she was the only girl that didn't retaliate back much to my constant teasing her. And lets face it, I tease her A LOT. She was my favourite target really. Though today I decided to give her a bit of a break. Not to be nice though if that's what your thinking, No just to change things up a bit for me. I notice another girl on my right hand side. I ripped out a piece of my paper and started ripping that into little shreds. I then proceeded to make little spit balls which a spat out at the girl. Juvenile yes but also mildly entertaining. She lasted only 10 seconds before she blew off at me. "HONESTLY! YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE PROBLEMS YOU….."

At this point I lost interest and tuned out. I got pretty good at tuning out girls. Go figure.


	3. Chapter 3

Not to brag or anything (actually I am) but I must say I outdid myself this time. When the final bell of the day rang I jumped out of my seat and shoved my way to the front of the door. When I say shoved I meant it. I had no patience as I rushed down the hall towards freedom. I could see my final stretch and couldn't believe my good luck at avoiding the boss man and getting out free.

"Going somewhere Yannos? You didn't forget your detention now did we?"

I guess I must have jinxed it.

With a dramatic sigh I faced my executioner and made eye contact. Now was a good time to turn on my good 'ol Yannos charm.

"Aww geez I'm terribly sorry sir, but you see my mother had just fallen ill yesterday and I really must get back to her as I am the caretaker for the day, I'm sure you understand."

Now don't think that for one second I had meant what I said and I even used my poor little orphan boy voice on him (whatever that really means, I mean I'm no orphan,)

For the record I swear that I could have won one of them Grammy awards or whatever on the spot. But I guess it didn't go too well.

"Why is it that I'm finding it hard to believe Mr Yannos?"

I shrugged my shoulders and shoved my hands in my pockets. This wasn't going to be as easy a battle as I had hoped.

_Because you're a naturally suspicious prick who needs to find a woman that is at least blind and get laid?_

"Gee I dunno sir. I really do need to go now…"

He grabbed my arm and started leading me to the detention room.

"Hey man! You know if this was like America I could sue you for bodily harm on a student!"

I yanked my arm free and glared at him defiantly. I even spat in a sheilas hair as she tried to scurry past.

It's amazing how fast his face had become like an over ripe tomato. Hah comical really. I braced myself for the telling off of a "life time" but it never came. Just then two of my buddies Caleb and Max had started harassing Tiffany (The nerd with glasses, braces and books clasped in her arms).

"Wait here… Caleb! Max! It seems that you will be joining Mr Yannos…"

Now I'm no fool. I started stick around to here the rest of the speech and make record time of racing out the doors of my own personal hell.

My day just kept getting better from there. While I hurried along to Ellie's place I couldn't pass up the opportunity of scaring the shit out of a few drivers as they passed me by in their cars. (Usually I would have been on the bus but… well yeah) I had my lighter out and my spray on deodorant. Each time a car had approached me I would click my lighter in the spray the deodorant right at them. This scared them into screeching to a halt, allowing me to take a run and leap on their car maybe breaking their front screens as I went. This had worked 3 times, until one of them ran out of his car with a petrol tank trying to heave it at me. Man! Some people are mental!

When I reached Ellie's place I found her working on the fence of the chooks yard sweat dripping off her as if she was caught in the rain. Not a bad sight, but not that great on the nose I tell yea!

"Hey Ellie Belly!" I leapt the fence, (managing to damage my masculineness) and playfully got her in a head lock. (Sort of my way of hugging her then.) "gerooff!" She slapped me away and smiled. "What took you so long?" She perched on the fence and I joined her. "The boss man trying to wrangle up this cattle." she rolled her eyes. "Also I didn't go on the bus and had a bit of fun with me lighter and me deodorant." she fixed her eyes on mine. "Geez Homer I'm surprised no ones tried to kill ya yet."

I smirked while I recalled the crazy loon with the petrol tank. Needless to say she didn't seem that surprised. "What are we going to do with you Homer?"

"_Ain't no rest for the wicked _I'm afraid. So you ready to go the river then? Like I said I wanna try something out…" (You didn't think that I had forgotten did you? Hell No!)

"Yeah sure I'm ready to go!"

With that we headed off. Let me tell ya it's no joke travelling over hills and mountains and across the Sahara dessert just to get to the river. Though it's very rewarding once you take a dive in and let the coolness wash away the sweat, grime and tears of the journey. (Well I imagine the tears for Ellie, I don't cry I'm a bloke and blokes don't cry!)

Clambering out of the water I stood on the rocks and grabbed a couple of twigs to make a crown. "Now humble servant! You have been summoned here to perform a task which I have set! A task that goes beyond greatness and enters…"

By this point I was really getting into my character and hadn't heard or noticed the movement that was behind me.

"Hey Ellie! Er, Hi Homer?"

I spun around in complete shock and saw for a quick second Fi who had looked uncertain, then startled as I lost my footing and grabbed whatever was near at the time (er, her) and fell, dragging Fi with me.

Maybe I should have told you this before but I was borrowing my brothers swim trunks which were a size too big. (I brought them with me too school.) . We fell into the river , (It hurt like hell let me tell ya!) then came back up to find the trunks floating down the river. If that wasn't embarrassing enough Fi was still clinging on to me spluttering water out of her mouth, a look of terror on her face. I tried to play it cool hoping she hadn't noticed my full nudity and hoping that I could still get away. Though like I said before I am a bloke and well, she was pretty and, well you know. Unfortunately she had finally noticed my state and didn't seem all that impressed by my manliness. She instantly let go and swam over to Ellie who (unfortunately) saw the whole and was pissing herself laughing! (Shit!) I covered my face with my hand trying to rally myself up (excuse the pun haha). This was not how I had planned today. This goes beyond the humiliating fence jump. Gathering my good 'ol Homer wits, I turned to them. "Well well Fi, glad you could drop in. It was a rather _pleasant_ surprise." On the outside I was my cool, witty and charming self, calm and in control of the situation. On the inside … not so calm.

"Yes it is a _pleasure_ to have you join us." I just couldn't stop myself. I mean that's not even that crude. I could be _a lot worse._

"_Come off it Homer!" Ellie was glaring at me but there was no mistaking the amused glint in her eyes. Also I noticed glancing down. (below the waist if you know what I mean)_

"_I must say you do not meet my expectations."_

_(Oh no she did not just….)_

"_You have small expectations, I'm not surprised that I go beyond them."_

_Damn! I guess Ellie got her payback for the camp trip awhile back. Unfortunately for me I do not have perverse teachers helping me out of this situation._

_Fi was ignoring us all the while her back turned away from me though I'm pretty sure that her cheeks were still red. I know how I treat girls but I'm not that bad a bloke really. I'm not saint with women but it's not like I'm one of those guys who purposefully flashes them then take them home for a one night stand. _

_It really is a mystery to me why girls hate me._


End file.
